layne67: (spn shadow)
layne67 ([personal profile] layne67) wrote2010-03-12 11:58 am
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I'm about to take my first step on this long journey, Ten Thousand Miles, last year's Big Bang by [livejournal.com profile] mimblexwimble.

I've put it off long enough. Each time I clicked on that fic I backed off when I reached this line - It’s 3:19 AM and the last time Dean ever sees Sam.

It's not that I don't do sad. Some of my favourite fics ever are actually death fics that made me bawl like a baby - When It's Over by [livejournal.com profile] wynter_rebel, We Were Twenty by [livejournal.com profile] elohvee, White Ladder by [livejournal.com profile] tru_faith_lost, to name a few.

But that line up there is just so depressing, even more so than [livejournal.com profile] elohvee's It's sunny the day he buries his brother.

Maybe because that line implies that Dean will never ever find out what happens to his brother? I don't know, but no matter how many glowing recs that fic received, I had never managed to get past that line.

But today, I'm determined to read that story. And if the fic is as good as all the recs said, then I'll probably going to be this sobbing mess by the end of it.

ETA : Yes, I am a sobbing wreck now. Flawless writing, 10/10, but the jury's still out on the story per se because I'm an absolute mess now. One thing's for sure though, I will not forget this story for a long, long time.

[identity profile] shadowc44.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 04:22 am (UTC)(link)
It's not so much that it's sad, but FRUSTRATING AS HELL! I did NOT like the way it ended. You'll understand more once you read it.
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[identity profile] munibunny.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
I was chicken so I read the epilogue. *hee*

[identity profile] layne67.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
Oh dear, that doesn't sound good! I've just finished the first part and I'm officially creeped out!

[identity profile] layne67.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 04:52 am (UTC)(link)
Oh you *smishes*

And don't you dare say anything about it. Dean's angstying so prettily in the first part heheh.

Oh okay, my heart's breaking for him, he's so desolate without his Sam.

::End of first chapter::
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[identity profile] munibunny.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 05:43 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sure it must be really heartbreaking because the style of the fic is quite beautiful.

[identity profile] layne67.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 09:29 am (UTC)(link)
It's heartbreaking and depressing and frustrating and it's absolutely and totally beautiful.

[identity profile] ala-tariel.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 10:10 am (UTC)(link)
Oh no. No death fics for me. No thank you. I saved White Ladder long time ago, it's always inside my cell, and I can't read it. I just can't.

Give me Mpreg anytime, but no death fic. Noooooooo.......

[identity profile] layne67.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 10:59 am (UTC)(link)
I love death!fics but even for me, this story is a bit much. Oh it was good, there's no mistake about that, very good actually, but it's filled to the brim with despair and loneliness and grief. It's like the episode of 'I know what you did last summer' but with Dean on the receiving end, him pining and grieving for his brother. It's a tragic story.

[identity profile] ala-tariel.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 11:05 am (UTC)(link)
I know Layne, this fic is good. Otherwise, you wouldn't rec it. :D

But I already felt depressed looking at Jensen's sad face at those airport pics. I'm sure, I will imagine his face while I'm reading it.

[identity profile] shadowc44.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 02:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I honestly wish I hadn't wasted my time reading it. You may feel differently.

[identity profile] layne67.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 02:47 pm (UTC)(link)
It is very bleak, the whole thing. It's like a long, drawn-out death fic, and the no-answer thing probably contributes to the whole bleakness. But it was extremely well-written, and I enjoyed the writing very much, but yes, not having any answer is very frustrating. Did you read the author's note to the fic?

And also, there's a slight feel of 'I know what you did last summer' to it but with Dean instead of Sam grieving, and thank goodness no sex with a demon in it. And also, I'm so glad that it was blonde!Ruby in it.

[identity profile] mews1945.livejournal.com 2010-03-12 06:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you read it, though whether or not you enjoyed it is still unclear, if it made you cry like that. I don't mind a story that makes me cry a bit, but I still can't real death fics, or stories that have extreme angst with no comfort to balance it.

[identity profile] layne67.livejournal.com 2010-03-13 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
I enjoyed the writing, the style of which I've haven't come across before but the story itself is so bleak. Dean never did find his brother, never even knew what really happened to him, whether Sam's still alive or dead. The whole thing is about Dean missing and pining for his brother, his grief and how he finally let go. It's angst to the nth degree and like you said, with no comfort to balance it. Unlike the other three deathfics that I mentioned up there in which they have many happy times together before death claim one of them. So this is like, a long death fic!

[identity profile] shadowc44.livejournal.com 2010-03-13 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
I did read the author's note, but is still feels (to me) more like laziness than cleverness. More like, "who really cares what actually happened to Sam, all that's important is that Dean Suffers prettily."

But maybe that's because my perspective is that it IS important what actually happened to Sam. It's like a lot of threads were just dropped instead of tied up.