hiccups and rectal massages

[layne67]

omg Can someone please, please write me an Orlijah based on this article? Or any other pairings for that matter. Please?

*is still laughing*

ETA Would be wonderful if there are more than one fics - Frodo/Aragorn ( glances at claudia603 ), Casey/Zeke, Frodo/Sam, Viggo/Elijah and of course Orlijah!

Comments

[montmorency.livejournal.com]

How in the name of all that's holy did you ever come across such an article?

0_0

[layne67.livejournal.com]

From someone on my flist.

You didn't think I googled 'Benefits of rectal massage' now, did you?

;DD

[ex-absolutef238.livejournal.com]

hee. that person won a nobel prize for this!

[layne67.livejournal.com]

He should!

:DD

[layne67.livejournal.com]

The Ig Noble Peace Price, wasn't it? First time I heard of that Noble Prize.

[annwyn55.livejournal.com]

Gosh - the things you doctors come across!

I'm sure I've read fics that used sex to cure hiccups - without any medical basis, I might add. :) There was a Domlijah and a Dombilly, but I've forgotten where I read them.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

There are always new things to learn each day, hee hee.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

And he won a this (http://news.com.com/2100-1026_3-6123388.html?part=rss&tag=6123388&subj=news) for that discovery :DD

[capra-maritimus.livejournal.com]

Darn. I'd like to read those. There was also a Billy/Elijah as well.

http://msilverstar.livejournal.com/144405.html
Magic Fingers by msilverstar

It's just begging for an alternate ending. LOL!

[lisabellex.livejournal.com]

Jeepers. And it's not a spoof article??

:D

[layne67.livejournal.com]

It's legit. After all hiccups are said to be overstimulation of the diaphragm, so you just overstimulate him somewhere else *g*

[wynterhawk.livejournal.com]

oh my goodness. that's too much :)

[layne67.livejournal.com]

brings the massage to a grand new height, doesn't it? *g*

[lbilover.livejournal.com]

LOL, that's pretty wild!

[layne67.livejournal.com]

And a Noble Peace Prize (http://news.com.com/2100-1026_3-6123388.html?part=rss&tag=6123388&subj=news) for him, no less :)

[surgicalsteel.livejournal.com]

*cringes*

*imagines folks calling surgery consults for digital rectal massage*

[layne67.livejournal.com]

Would you do it or would you just prescribe him drugs?

Would Serinde do it?

*pokes*

[honeyandvinegar.livejournal.com]

LOL... does it hafta be digital? Zeke's fingers are probably exquisite, but prolly don't have any mechanical-digital enhancements.
Though he could be a bionic man.
Oh wow, I need to shush.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO

*wipes tears*

Oh honey, you said the most priceless things sometimes.

Would there be a timer or something on Zeke's digitally enhanced fingers?

[melyanna-65.livejournal.com]

Oh my, I'm speechless ... and several dirty situations are running in my mind, just right now!

I can see more slash fics coming ...

*gulps*

[layne67.livejournal.com]

So far, none :/

Write one! Frodo doing it on Sam. He knew about it from his many readings of the Elvish medical literatures.

*goes into another fit of giggles as she imagines elves doing it to each other, hiccuping in chorus*

:D

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

*giggles insanely*

:D

I can just PICTURE Aragorn giving Frodo a massage such as that, lol, especially on quest where we can't have Frodo hiccupping and making noise in a place like...Moria! :D

[layne67.livejournal.com]

Don't just picture it. Write it! You need a little break from seroius Citadel :DD

[i-o-r-h-a-e-l.livejournal.com]

O_O

I can't open the article. I don't know why.

But I hope you'll share whatever story you get, okay? :D

[layne67.livejournal.com]

Here you are, my lovely girl

Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage.

A 60-year-old man with acute pancreatitis developed persistent hiccups after insertion of a nasogastric tube. Removal of the latter did not terminate the hiccups which had also been treated with different drugs, and several manoeuvres were attempted, but with no success. Digital rectal massage was then performed resulting in abrupt cessation of the hiccups. Recurrence of the hiccups occurred several hours later, and again, they were terminated immediately with digital rectal massage. No other recurrences were observed. This is the second reported case associating cessation of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage. We suggest that this manoeuvre should be considered in cases of intractable hiccups before proceeding with pharmacological agents.

:P

[talesinbloom.livejournal.com]

"Bloody fu-" Orlando's rib cage hitched violently as he threw himself down on the ratty sofa occupying the hobbit trailer. "Shit!"

He rubbed his chest, trying vainly to rid himself of the sudden, involuntary contractions of his diaphragm muscle. "Couldn't even get through one fuckin' take without a hi-c"

Elijah cocked an eyebrow at him and stretched out a hobbit foot at the murmured request of his makeup artist. "Still got the hiccups?"

"Does it bleedin' sou-" Orlando's surly reply was interrupted by his loud, involuntary intake of breath. He groaned pathetically. "All fuckin' da-" That one nearly bent him double.

"Have you tried..."

"I've tried holding my brea-" Orlando started. Exasperated, he continued as best he could. "-th, drinking water from the wro- shit! - ng side of the glass, standing on one foot while reci- ting the alphabet backwards. Viggo, the bas-" he exhaled miserably, "-tard, has taken great delight in scaring the shit out of me at every possible oppor-"

HIC

"Fuck, I'm ready to kill myself," Orlando whispered miserably, pushing hard on his stomach and leaning over.

Elijah nodded his thanks as his foot was released. He stood and made his way over to Orlando, wincing in sympathy as a particularly violent spasm wrenched Orlando's shoulders when he tried to contain it.

Orlando regarded him silently, eyes bleak with misery.

Elijah hesitated, bit his lip. He crouched beside Orlando and looked up into his face. "You might consider that a viable option, but only after I tell you what might work."

Orlando inhaled weakly. "I'm ready to try an- thing at this point."

Elijah supressed a grin. "Okay, then. Meet me at my place as soon as you get rid of Legolas." He fingered the pale strands of hair sliding over Orlando's shoulder and gave a brief wave as he left.

+

Orlando eyed the latex glove and poked at the bottle of lubrication with horrified fascination. "No fuckin' wa-"

Elijah raised a pointed eyebrow as Orlando's eyes watered with this latest explosive hiccup. "Look, would it help if I swear not to tell a living soul, on every Marvel comic book I've ever owned, may they burst into flames if I ever..."

HIC

"Oh, just shut the fuck up and get on with it," Orli groaned. He turned to the couch, then looked around the room, eyed the floor. "Where? Here?"

Elijah shrugged. "Wherever you'd be most comfortable, man."

Orlando glared his disgust, too overcome by a sudden staccato burst of hiccups to reply. He waved toward the bedroom and started unbuckling his pants as he went.

Elijah sucked in a hard breath and firmed his jaw. He could do this - for Orli - just, please God, no giggling. No giggling. At least out loud.

+

Re: :P

[talesinbloom.livejournal.com]

Orlando hiccuped hard and groaned, and Elijah winced as slick muscle tightened with nearly unbearable pressure around his fingers with the spasm. He waited a brief second, then carefully rotated his hand, pressing firmly against the front wall of Orli's gut with his fingertips.

Orlando groaned softly again and held still with an effort, clenching hard on the pillow beneath him. His jeans were rucked in a soft pile around his legs, and he was bare from waist to knees. "Lij, i-it's not working, and God, but it's weird."

Elijah panted softly and dared another gentle flex of his fingers. "It's just been a few minutes, give it some time. I read that hiccups are just an over-stimulation of nerves, so maybe you just need to be more," he paused uncertainly, " ...stimulated?"

"Where the fuck did you re-read that at?"

"Same website that listed this as a certain cure."

Orlando swore volubly - or at least as articulately as was possible, given the flurry hitches his chest gave at that moment. He pushed himself up on all fours. "That's it, take them ou-" He sucked in a hard breath as his sudden switch in position drove an unprepared Elijah deeply inside him, until Elijah's fingers were sunk past the second knuckle and the thin web of his thumb was pressed tightly against Orlando's cleft. "Oh, shit," he whispered softly.

Elijah's nerves rattled against his skin and he made to ease back, murmuring frantic apologies.

"No, don't. Just ..." Orlando rocked experimentally forward. "Just hold sti-" He was thrust back by the flinch of another hiccup and the intimate nudge of Elijah's fingers sent bright spangles of sensation through his body.

His cock lifted sullenly from between his spread thighs. Another soft gasp of involuntarily drawn air jerked his body around Elijah's fingers and his heart knocked crazily against his ribcage.

"Orlando?" Soft and uncertain, "should I...?" Elijah once more slid his fingers back, unable to resist flexing slightly against the tensile strength around them.

Orlando shuddered. "Keep going," he gritted out, and dropped to his elbows.

Elijah flushed steadily as he worked his fingers, swallowing hard as he watched them slip into Orlando, then out again. Holding him open with thumb and fingers splayed on Orlando's ass cheek, while his fingers rotated steadily - massaging deep, then retreating.

Neither one noticed when Orlando's hiccups stopped, when his increasingly desperate gasps of air became a steady chant of moans and broken pleading; both were taken by surprise when he threw his head back and howled softly toward the ceiling, his come splattering his thighs and the bed.

One of Elijah's hands slipped from Orlando's ass to clutch the hard length of himself beneath his jeans. His wrist ached, his fingers felt numb, this wasn't what he'd expected to happen - but none of it mattered past the heat and throb beneath his hands. Both of his hands.

Orli's ass fluttered as Elijah gently withdrew his fingers. His face was buried in the covers, his long body still twitching. Elijah waiting several beats as he peeled off the glove and tossed it over the side of the bed. He was unable to keep from kneading the hard knot between his legs before venturing, "How's the hiccups?"

Orlando shuddered out a laugh before turning his face sideways on the bed, peering up with red-faced embarrassment at Elijah. "Cured, I think. Sorry about that, I didn't mean...I didn't expect..."

Elijah held up his hands, cheeks cherry and his pulse beating visibly in his throat. "Not a problem, dude. Just, you know, if I ever get a case of the incurable hic-" His eyes widened with surprise.

Orlando reached for the lube, looking pointedly at Elijah's crotch with a leering grin. "I've got just the cure for those."